A diary for me

I got though day 5 , I felt like I could scream into a pillow . I felt so restless and overwhelmed last night with having time on my hands that I didn’t no what to do with. It make me feel crazy , I need to keep busy but I am unsure how because everything I normally do just makes me think about drinking . I just spent a lot of the evening pacing and pottering around the house , not really what I had in mind for a night off work , but I have to keep going so I opted for some cleaning . Which did actually help me a lot .

But I got through the evening feeling uncomfortable, unsure what to do with myself . Unable to sit still and just relax . Apart of me wonders how long it will last . Will I soon start to be able to relax on an evening and not feel so restless, or will I always feel like this.

I have spent many years since I was young drinking, whether it be drinking out with friends at the pub or drinking on nights out or at home , I am unsure what I do without it . I am glad I am going on this journey it’s definitely needed but I feel lost without the glass of wine in my hand .

I feel silly even saying that out load. The truth is, I don’t know what I do without it .